It's me again, loveable ol' Bill, your cuddly Man of Chair for the alleged committee for They
Came and Shaved Us, the convention that understands the concepts of "ethics" and "fair play"
but doesn't necessarily believe in them!
Well, it's May now, which means that Summer is officially here at last! (At least, according to some people - others seem to think that Summer begins sometime in June). The summer brings with it the usual bugs, heatwaves, water shortages, pale arms and peeling skin. It also brings, I'm sorry to say, some bad news. Not bad for you, you lucky people, but bad for me. Fear not, though: I'm not going to dump more of my problems on to you! Life's too short for you to be worried about some guy in a far-off land whom most of you have never even met. You all have far too much going on in your own lives to be concerned that poor old Bill just discovered a truly horrible secret about his past. So! Enough with that: let's get on with the latest convention news!
My Irish colleagues tell me that the convention hotel can only accommodate about one hundred seventy attendees, and already we've got a hundred thirty! This means that we've only got about forty places left to fill. Of course, that one hundred seventy doesn't include our guests. I'm not allowed to tell you too much about the guests, but I will say this: we're making excellent progress in our efforts to get the Dallas Cowboy Cheerlenders to come along! Pretty cool, eh?
All right, so it's not as cool as it should have been... Allow me to elaborate: a certain committee member who shall remain unnamed knows someone who knows someone, et cetera (you all know how this sort of thing works), and at the end of this chain of people he managed to get in touch with the manager of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerlenders. After many e-mails to and fro, it was agreed that the entire squad would be invited to Ireland to participate in the con... It's just a shame that our committee member didn't read his e-mails a lot more carefully. I mean, what the hell is a "Cheerlender"? What do they do exactly? Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's nothing to do with short skirts and pop-poms. I have a horrible suspicion that it might have something to do with praying and / or loan sharking.
But aside from them, we really do have some interesting guests lined up. Since I'm not allowed to directly say who they are, I've decided to present the name of one of our top guests in a sort of riddle thing:
My second is in "boat", but never in "sail"
My third is the last, and always near fire
My fourth is the one you'll always require
Next there's a blank, but before that a clue
And here it is now: "That thing that likes you"
My next is the same as one we had before
The next is in "lion", and also in "roar"
Oh, that one's too easy! I hear you cry!
Next up is a vowel, but it's not "U" or "I"
It's not Spike, it's not Dawn, it's not even Xander
And following that, well, you know what comes last
Bill Tyler, Chairman